And Now, The...Weather

Now Playing: "If You Go Away," Patou '02, from the Piano Bar disc.

Baton Rouge (pAP) - Hurricane Humberto, the...ahem!...first hurricane to make landfall in the United States in nearly two years, was downgraded to tropical storm status today as it moved from Texas toward Louisiana. LA governor Kathleen Blanco immediately declared a state of emergency and has scheduled an early press conference at which she will, according to a source at the governor's office, "have a good preemptive cry." New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin was also seen in the late afternoon hours, burning the United States Constitution in effigy over a large bonfire on the steps of New Orleans City Hall.

Meanwhile, though skies were clear above Washington D.C., Albert Gore and a number of environmental activists expressed shock and bitter disappointment that their cause was deprived of a high death toll and, worst of all, impressive disaster footage for Gore's upcoming film "Day After Tomorrow: III." One environmentalist, who asked not to be identified, said he "felt betrayed" by global warming's continued failure to show up. "It's enough to make a guy just give up and start using toilet paper again," he said, tossing his copy of Tuesday Night Music Club across the room with a defiant huff.

"He needn't worry," commented Jonathan Beardsley, senior diviner at the Greenpeace Meteorological Center, "Our forecast for September 13, 2238 is 4,610 degrees under a light rain of molten basalt - he just needs to be patient and have faith."

Back to you, Larry...